Inside the Mysterious Cube

I don’t know if our world can take another cubing.

- Tom | Watch now

Just don’t take a sword. Just any better weapon than a sword, sir.

- Tom | Watch now

I mean, I got a semi just thinkin’ about it.

- Sam | Watch now

[Sam] Alexa! Play message from the President.
[AJ] What would you like me to do?
[Sam] Play - message - from - the President.
[AJ] Playing... “Baby Back” by Future.

- Sam and AJ | Watch now

I love you. I’d hide you in the basement. I’d put you in the attic. Anything to keep your body safe.

- Sam | Watch now

[Sam] Stay with me. Don’t go where I can’t follow.
[Luke] I made a vow to my country.
[Sam] You made a vow to me. When you stepped down on that knee in that cornfield and you said, “Bubba” You s- You said, “Bubba, I’m never gonna leave your side every day of my life.”

- Sam and Luke | Watch now

[Sam] Don’t tell me about bein’ in the war. MY LEGS ARE MADE OF WOOD!
[Luke] Well, you know just as well as I do a part of you always stays on that battlefield.
[Sam] Yeah, MY FUCKIN’ LEGS!

- Sam and Luke | Watch now

[AJ] Playing message from the President.
[AJ] Friends… Americans… Romans… Americans… and people.
[Sam] Not a great public speaker, is he?

- AJ and Sam | Watch now

[AJ] Sometimes when you defeat an enemy, they come back stronger. Like when you cut off the head of a snake, but in this case a cube. If you cut off the head of a cube then you have more surfaces of which you have to deal with later. A cube... could become an octagon.
[Sam] I wish he would get to the fuckin’ point.
[AJ] An octagon could become a quadragon. But it matters not. What I just said didn’t matter.

- AJ and Sam | Watch now

I’ll leave you with a poem. Rudyard Kipling.
When the wind does blow
To and fro
You must get your shit together
And fuck up them hoes

- AJ | Watch now

[Sam] I’ll keep the farm waitin’ for you. Keep the stove warm. Keep the dogs fed.
[Luke] Keep the chickens layin’.
[Sam] All the eggs. All those sexy eggs.

- Sam and Luke | Watch now

- Of course, you all know why we’ve come to this planet.
- Cube.
- Cube.
- Cube. The Nintendo GameCube from 2001. The most powerful cube-based technology in human history.

- Sam and Tom | Watch now

[Tom] Permission to initiate cubing of Earth. Cubing of Earth. Cubing of Earth.
[Sam] I heard you the first time!
[Tom] Cubing means doing things three times. Maths joke.

- Tom and Sam | Watch now

[Sam] Initiate human forms!
[Tom] I overdid it.

- Sam and Tom | Watch now

[AJ] You enjoying it out here on the front? Defence, DEFENCE!
[Guest] It’s a bit round.
[AJ] Well, it’s gotta be a round front ‘cause we are facing the cubes. So- so the boss said that if we have it all round, it’ll confuse them. It’s like a defense tech- techidy- tech uhh-

- AJ | Watch now

I cube for president! Where is the President? I have message! Not about cubes. Just about presidents. Ah! Hello! I am pointy! I don’t have four sides. I have one!

- Tom | Watch now

We knew- I knew Obama. Now he’s dead. He has two sides now. Like a square. Do you want to be a square? If you’re not cool, you’re a square.

- Tom | Watch now

I was there at the end of the Obama-time. He came rushing towards the cubes. So fast, so strong. The cubes faltered for a moment and he broke through the front lines. His sword pierced the greatest cube, and it spilled forth its cube jelly. All was jelly. All was jelly and soft, and we did not like it. The cubes did not like it, I mean. Ha ha. And Obama disappeared into the cube jelly. One man dying for many. Into the jelly. It must be jelly because jam don’t shake.

- Tom | Watch now

[Luke] Bubba!
[Sam] That’s right.
[Luke] You done got them robot legs.
[Sam] That’s right! I got- I got that stealth cube body. I put the cubes together. Now I’ve got cube legs. Woo!!

- Luke and Sam | Watch now

My legs may be strong now, but my heart is breakin’.

- Sam | Watch now

[Sam] Look. The sun's rising.
[Luke] And it’s so round.
[Sam] Just like every good thing on Earth: Earth. The moon.
[Luke] Your hairy balls.
[Sam] Your delicious eggs.
[Luke] Yeah, that's right.
[Sam] And my wedding ring.
[Luke] I love you, Bu-

- Sam and Luke | Watch now

I’ve got myself a sword, and a burning desire to dice some cubes.

- Sam | Watch now

[Tom] You’ve entered the cube-within-cubes.
[Sam] And you’ve entered the orbit of Earth, motherfucker.

- Tom and Sam | Watch now

[Tom] Then, how about a dodecahedron world? A perfect combination of sphere and cube. Mathematically perfect.
[Sam] You’re talkin’ about…peace?

- Tom and Sam | Watch now

[Tom] We will make a gift to you of the life-jelly. One life-jelly for peace.
[Sam] Can I choose whose life-jelly?
[Tom] Wha- Well- I- Is he important?

- Tom and Sam | Watch now

That’s what it is to be human. Love. Love doesn’t have a shape. Love doesn’t have dimension. Love doesn’t have limits and if you can… reach for it, you grab hold with two hands and you never let go.

- Sam | Watch now

president, war, poem (AJ), song (AJ), kissing (Sam Luke), song (Sam), death (AJ Luke)