The Dark Moons of Slough

[Luke] We do not speak of the Great Wizard, Ascaroth! I realise I just spoke of him.
[AJ] Don't do it!
[Sam] No more! No more!
[Luke] I'm not going to! Honest! That was- that was it!

- Luke, AJ and Sam | Watch now

[Sam] How does he come up with those amazing soup recipes, though?
[Luke] He has that book!
[Sam] It's 'The Big Book of Soups'!
[Luke] 'The Big Book of Wizardry... Soups'.
[AJ] 'Jamie Oliver's Wizardry Soups' Yes!
[Luke] Yes! That's the one! Ah, yes! Yes!
[AJ] Dark magic!
[Sam] Dark magic! The naked chef must die!

- Sam, Luke and AJ | Watch now

[Luke] Have faith, sister! In the wonder of our soup!
[Sam] You put that in a bottle.
[Luke] Yes.
[Sam] Bottled soup.
[Luke] What’s wrong with that? It’s- It’s just-
[Sam] It’s not natural, you never go to the supermarket and see bottles of soup.
[Luke] Errr- You- you do in Spain actually.
[Sam] Well, we’re not in fucking Spain-

- Luke and Sam | Watch now

[Sam] You’re trying to bring me down or build me up? I’m confused by our relationship!
[Luke] Well, I don’t know, Ascaroth, you gotta make your own choices in life, alright? I can’t baby you forever.
[Sam] Fuck you, Hugh. I’m sticking with my dog soup.

- Sam and Luke | Watch now

[AJ] How’ve you been?
[Sam] Ah well, you know, it’s quite a nerve-wracking week. The soup festival of Slough is coming up, you know, I’m the soup wizard, Hugh’s here. Hugh’s here being a dick going, “You can’t put dogs in soups”. It’s kind of stressful, actually.

- AJ and Sam | Watch now

Sorry, I’m in the wrong scene.

- Sam | Watch now

[AJ] Listen, what happened last time with the witches, it was a one-off thing, okay?
[Luke] What do you mean ‘one-off’? I have a permanent pig’s tail.

- AJ and Luke | Watch now

[Luke] And what kind of soup will you be entering?
[Sam] Witch- I mean, leek. Leek.
[Luke] Leek. Oh, okay.
[Sam] Witch- Witch leek. It’s from Wales.

- Sam and Luke | Watch now

[AJ] It’s me. Jamie Oliver.
[Sam] Why are you dressed like Emperor Palpatine?
[AJ] I’ve been on Pinterest.

- AJ and Sam | Watch now

Are we in a memory right now? I’m just a random ghost.

- AJ | Watch now

[AJ] Get ready.
[Luke] What for?
[AJ] For my third little brother. He was also held back and forth.

- AJ and Luke | Watch now

[AJ] My gosh, of course. It's Akaram.
[Sam] Akaram?! I think it says ‘Ascaroth’.
[AJ] Ascaroth. Oh! Sorry! I wrote it down wrong.

- AJ and Sam | Watch now

Stiff like a baguette laid out for too long. Stiff like spaghetti that’s not even quite al dente yet. Stiff like [***]? Is that too far?
[Yes, a bit. But also, that's what he said.]

- Sam | Watch now

[Sam] Do you really think Slough would have a soup competition that could last 75 years?
[Luke] Oh God! That was why you were laughing!

- Sam and Luke | Watch now

witch, magic, competition, Slough, East end, Essex, Battersea Dogs Home, umami, The soup festival of Slough, bad omen, calm app, headspace, Jamie’s Soups, Newest Edition, death (AJ), cookbook