Toby's Secret Pocket

There was a second door?!

- Tom | Watch now

[Luke] All of my products are tailor made.
[Sam] I know. You're a tailor!

- Luke and Sam | Watch now

[Luke] It's not none of the comptrollers.
[Sam] Oh, who's it for then? You're keeping me on tenterhooks, like a piece of sirloin.

- Luke and Sam | Watch now

[Sam] I realised my sweat had uh- shown some invisible ink and it just said: "I'm a virgin."
[Luke] But that's not true anymore, is it, darlin'? You deflowered me on that date.
[Sam] That's right. I picked you like the last dandelion of the season. And I blew your seed all over the field.

- Sam and Luke | Watch now

[Tom] Please, just show me how to use the door!
[AJ] Just go through the door!
[Luke] That's right. You go like you- - you turn and you pull.
[Tom] Oh! It's an innie. Not an outie!
[Luke] Well, actually, it goes both ways.
[Tom] What?! Then I don't know why I struggled. Let me try again!

- Tom, AJ and Luke | Watch now

[Luke] Were you guys talking about TOBY the tailor? 'Cause I'm pretty sure it was Toby.
[Sam] I'm pretty sure it was Tony.
[Luke] Was it Toby or Tony?
[audience member] It was Toby.
[Luke] Yeah! Alright! Fuck you, Doohickey! I fucked your wife!

- Luke and Sam | Watch now

[AJ] Not this time. Don- The Don is our jurisdiction.
[Sam] You've forgotten his name, haven't you?
[AJ] Yes.

- Sam and AJ | Watch now

[Tom] Sometimes my lieutenants are too lieuinient.
[Sam] What?
[Tom] They're too lenient, and they're lieutenants. So I- I told them they're too lieuinient. It's a fun wordplay.

- Tom and Sam | Watch now

[Sam] I got a new cat. It's so sweaty!
[Tom] I see you went for one of those Egyptian hairless ones.

- Sam and Tom | Watch now

[Sam] Why is there guilt in your eyes, Toby?
[cheers]
[indignant Luke] For remembering a name?!?! How low is the fucking bar?

- Sam and Luke | Watch now

[AJ] Put your badges on the table.
[audience gasp]
[AJ] You too, Jimmy. Your internship is over.
[audience] Awwwwww!
[audience] Booooooo!!!

- AJ | Watch now

[Luke] There's a guy outside wearing some really weird pants. And he wants to talk to ya. I mean, you just took his badge, and you took my badge this morning. You're runnin' out of options.
[Sam] Yeah. We're leavin'. Cause it'll be much easier. For the story.

- Luke and Sam | Watch now

I'll catch you. I'll make the streets a safer place. I'm gonna get every single one of you. Every murderer there is. I'll be the best cop in the world. And I'll do it as soon as I step out of this-

- Tom | Watch now

[Tom] Robbie? Is somebody there? Who is it?
[Tom] OoOoOoOoOoOoOo! STOP IN THE NAME OF THE LAAAAAW!!!
[Tom] You come into my home, and you yell at me?
[Tom] I'VE GOT TEN FINGERS! :D
[Tom] Why don't you take a seat?
[Tom] III'LL STAND!
[Tom] You look out of breath, son. You sure you wouldn't rather calm down and speak more quietly?
[Tom] NO! No! I'm here to take you in. Youuuuu've been killing comptrollers all over the place, and I'm gonna tell you what I think I think-
[Tom] No. Get it all out.
[Tom continues]
[Tom] But wai- Oh! You're not done.
[Tom continues]
[Tom] But here's the thing. Here's the thing. Morality isn't a black and white situation. You need to recognise that when I'm taking away a comptroller, I'm putting something else in its place.

- Tom | Watch now

comptroller, New York, Arkansas, 4th wall break (Tom Luke), corpsing (AJ Luke), death (Tom AJ)